Last 30 Days of My Thirties: Blog 9 - Pets

I lost my beloved Chihuahua, Macho, a few weeks after my dissolution was finalized.  I had not yet become accustomed to being alone in the house when the kids were spending time with their dad per our custody arrangement.  It may sound crazy, but when the kids were gone, I felt more afraid, as if no one would know for several hours if something bad happened to me.  I found myself talking to my dog more and more. Not conversations, mind you, but as I'd pass through the room he was in I would say "Hi buddy" or pet him.

 

When he died, it hit me extremely hard.  Not only had I loved him for 15 years, but in the weeks leading up to his death, he had become my security blanket.  He slept with me.  He greeted me at the door.  That first night I came home from work and he wasn't there, I lost it.  The next morning, when I had to skip the first part of my routine, which was letting him outside, I cried and cried. 

 

Unfortunately, I tried to rebound a little too quickly (see blog 8!) by getting a dog within a few weeks.  She was a bad match for our family and I realized it quickly and found a better home for her.  It would be a couple years before I felt ready to commit to a puppy again.  I was dating a controlling and selfish man at the time, and I'd made arrangements to purchase from the breeder before we'd begun dating.  When the pups were weaned and I was ready to go choose my new pet, he warned me to think carefully, because a new puppy would take a lot of time and energy....away from him.  Yes, he really said that.  I looked at him and said, "Here's the way I see it.  She's a sure thing.  She'll be with me 10 - 15 years.  You?  You could be gone in a few days or weeks.  I'm getting the dog."

 

Seven years later, she is a cherished companion of mine, as is my newer, younger rescue dog.  For me, dogs serve as a beautiful reminder of the way beings can communicate and feel things for one another without being of the same species or speaking the same language.  I love my dogs.  They've been a huge part of my thirties and I suspect that will continue for my next 40 years.