Last 30 Days of My Thirties: Blog 1 - Looking Back at 30

A friend of mine recently posted on Facebook that she was about to turn 40 and wanted to know what friends suggested she do in the remaining days of her thirties.  This got me thinking about how I will be turning 40 very soon, and I decided to do a series of blogs for the last 30 days of my thirties. 

 

So I find myself reflecting back to when I turned 30.  My daughter was 3, my son was 6 months old, I was one month into employment with the employer I’m still with, I’d had the house I still live in for 2 years, and I was 5 months away from separating from my (now ex) husband. 

 

Socially, I had almost an entirely different circle of friends than I have now.  There are a few cherished friends with whom I’ve maintained a relationship in the last decade, and I suspect they will be friends for life.  There were other friends from whom I’ve grown apart. 

 

Spiritually, I was at a different church, and my faith was what I would call "treading water." 

 

Professionally, my career path was uncertain.  I’d just left a large, secure employer and taken a chance with a very small (5 employees) family-owned business, reducing my work from full-time to part-time. 

 

 Most of my emotional resources were being invested in my family and my marriage, which was floundering.  The kids were very dependent upon me/us for their physical needs.  We were still adjusting to the addition of a baby in the household.  Frankly, I was still adjusting to thinking of myself as a mother.  I’ve never been the natural mothering type.  When someone walks in the room with a baby, I do not ask to hold it. I only held mine because I figured I had only myself to blame if I dropped them! 

 

 I was feeling grown up in that I’d been married for 6 years, was a mother of 2, and had undergraduate as well as graduate degrees from fine institutions.  But 30 was that “in between” place where, “on paper”, you are certainly an adult, but you are still finding your way in life and hoping someday things will come more naturally or fall into place a little easier.  At least that’s how it felt to me.  I suppose I felt a bit like an imposter in every area of my life.  My marriage wasn’t working, I felt under confident as a mother, and my professional life had just started a new, uncertain chapter. 

 

So I arrived at 30 with very little hoopla, just another birthday, and began to lay the framework for what would be the most tumultuous and life-changing decade of my life to date.  Of course, maybe we all are prone to feel that way about the most recent decade in which we’ve lived.  I’ll let you know when I’m 49.