Fear & Faith

Since listening to another thought-provoking sermon this morning, I've been thinking all day about fear.  My fear.  It's true that I'm afraid of bats, carwashes, failure, and rejection; but I can easily identify my greatest fear at this moment in my life: fear of love.  Well, more specifically, fear of romantic love.  For the first time in my life, I've become so afraid of loving a man, I've simply removed myself from the dating arena entirely.  As one might guess, my fear is born from a bad experience (that may be the understatement of the year). 

Pastor Ken used an illustration of a seesaw with fear on one side and faith on the other.  But I found myself wrestling through an internal debate on this topic.  What does my faith in God have to do with being safe in a human love relationship?  After all, I wouldn't be dating God.  Humans are fallible, sinful creatures, and there's no guarantee that overcoming my fear would equate to a worthwhile relationship with another human.  It's not God's responsibility to plop me in the path of a Godly man.  Are we talking about trusting God to lead me to a person worthy of loving and worthy of loving me?  I don’t really believe it works that way.  At least it hasn’t before.  He didn’t lead me to that type of person before – several times in fact.  To be fair, when I met the men who ended up hurting me the most, I didn’t necessarily meet them under Godly circumstances or doing Godly things.  Except for the one I actually met at church.  But I digress...

I have this thing called freewill that enables me to make all sorts of decisions that will guide my encounters and decisions in life.  Likewise, other humans have freewill that determines their choices and behaviors.  Being a faithful Christian doesn't protect us from life's hurts. 

So I’m back to the same question: how will my faith in God outweigh my fear of loving?  Since I have freewill and since God isn’t responsible for leading me to a good man, how does this work?  Or maybe it doesn’t look like that at all.  Maybe it looks like me loving God and enjoying my life whether someone is in it or not.  Maybe it has more to do with trusting God to help me with discernment.  I can already see the ways in which he has repeatedly shone His light on certain traits of certain people, making it impossible for me to continue in relationships with them.

I guess I've been wrestling with this, thinking that faith would cancel out bad things.  But I think Pastor Ken's point was not to equate the absence of fear with the guarantee of success.  Faith doesn't guarantee success.  But it does guarantee that we won't walk alone.  It gives us strength and courage, which enable us to take chances and even to deal with the inevitable failures and hurts that will come our way. 

"I am leaving you with a gift—peace of mind and heart.

And the peace I give is a gift the world cannot give.

So don’t be troubled or afraid." John 14:27

"This is my command—be strong and courageous!

Do not be afraid or discouraged.

For the Lord your God is with you wherever you go." Joshua 1:9

"But even if you suffer for doing what is right, God will reward you for it.

So don’t worry or be afraid of their threats." 1 Peter 3:14

Idolatry

When I was a kid learning The Ten Commandments, there were certain commandments that I glazed over with relief, feeling they would not ever be an issue for me.  Thou shalt have no other gods before me was one of them.  Certainly I don’t worship any other “god” in the way I might worship God at church or pray to God.  But the term “worship” is a slippery slope.  Idolatry is part of the ice on that slippery slope.

If we’re not careful, we may find ourselves in a one dimensional relationship with another being or even a thing that borders on idolatry or worship.  I’m sure you can think of people you’ve known who had that sort of relationship with their expensive sports car, with their spoiled pet, or with another person, even a celebrity.  Inevitably, that object of “worship” fails us in some way, whether it be by death, destruction, or its absence from our life.  We find ourselves devastated, searching for the elusive North on our internal compass.  Maybe we allow another person to get away with behaviors for which we would hold others accountable.  Perhaps we make excuses to justify our idol’s place on a pedestal?

Yesterday, I read a status update on Jason Aldean’s Facebook page in which he apologized for his recent “inappropriate behavior” which involved “drinking too much” and “embarrassing” himself and his family.  The photos that had been published showed him kissing and intimately touching a woman who was not his wife and the mother of his two daughters.  For the most part, the fan reactions have been forgiving and supportive.  I wonder how forgiving and supportive those same people would be if it was their husband or their father or their sister’s husband or their daughter’s husband who behaved that way?  I suspect they might be more condemning of such behavior if it hit a little closer to home.

I felt personally disappointed when I read the news reports and saw the photos.  I’m a huge fan of Jason Aldean’s and just recently saw him in concert for the second time.  I had to ask myself – if I’m just a fan of his music, why do I have any personal expectations regarding his behavior?  Another artist of whom I’m a fan is Prince, who once pointed out that he doesn’t like the term “fan” because it is short for fanatic.  So, while I don’t have a shrine to Jason Aldean and I don’t attend weekly services to praise him, maybe I need to let go of the idea that there are any among The Ten Commandments that don’t apply to me.