When I look back on my thirties, I see the ways I have dealt with pain and how it has changed with maturity and experience. I remember when I first separated from my husband, everyone was shocked. The reason is that I had not aired any of my dirty laundry. Someone once told me that when you speak poorly of your spouse, you are speaking poorly of yourself because you chose to marry them.
Then, once I was divorced and single, I changed the way I dealt with hurt and pain. You see, I am a talker and it is cathartic for me to talk about my feelings and problems, just to get it out of me. The problem was that I began to talk too much to too many people, especially about pain others had caused me. While I never lied about what others had done, and always made sure to confess to my part in the conflict, I was obviously talking to those who were biased toward me and were going to take my side. Subconsciously, I think I was just looking for validation, wanting to hear others say "it's not you" and so forth. But it wasn't enough to hear it from one person. I had to repeat it to others too.
I feel that this behavior was problematic, because it wasn't the purest of intentions. I wanted that validation and assurance. I think I already had it though, I just didn't trust my own feelings and assessments.
Anyways, I go about it a bit differently now. I still talk to a few close friends/family about my problems. I don't believe it is healthy to keep it all inside. But I don't feel compelled to share every last detail either. Another big difference is that I talk to God a whole lot more than I ever used to. He knows all the details and facts. He loves me. He loves the other person/people involved. I've learned to view him as a friend, a confidant, and a Father whose lap I can metaphorically crawl into when I am hurting. It works so much better than running my mouth to anyone who will listen.
"Oh, my baby, when you're prayin'
Leave your burden by my door
You have Jesus standing by your bedside
To keep you calm, keep you safe,
Away from harm"
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