This framed photo sits in the foyer of my home. I pass it every day. Most days, I don't truly see it. Last night I did, and it stopped me cold in my tracks. I was struck by how small the kids look, how much younger I was. It was 11 1/2 years ago, and it was my first Mother's Day post-divorce. He was 1 1/2 and she was 4. Life seemed overwhelming, to put it mildly. The image I'd had of how my life would turn out was clouded by reality. I was doing this alone now. Simple things like getting all of us ready in the morning, getting myself to work on time, and going to the grocery store were now major undertakings.
I was flipping through a catalog when I saw this frame, and it immediately brought me to tears. A plan for me? Plans to prosper me? Plans for my future? It was almost more than I could bear to hear - such words of hope and promise when I felt so alone and scared. Those verses became an anchor for my life.
I wanted God's plan to include finding a good, strong, responsible, moral man whom I could love, and who would love my children and I. And though I was engaged once, I have never remarried.
I could look at the picture on that frame and the inscribed verse and say that God's promises don't hold true. But that would be short-sighted. God has prospered me. My hard work and God-given talent have been rewarded in the workplace, and I've been able to provide for my children, keep our home, and even add two pets to our family. I have been harmed many times, in life-changing ways. But God did not harm me. He never promised we would go through this life without pain. I have learned, however, to turn to him as the ultimate comforter. I am working on talking and listening to Him as the co-parent absent from my home. It's hard. Sometimes I want immediate answers, or better yet, someone to take the reins while I scream into my pillow or take my hand when I'm feeling weary.
Lately, I've been feeling frequent anxiety and sadness over the empty nest years that aren't too far around the corner. Revisiting the message and the image in this frame reminds me that I am not alone. There is still a plan for me. There is a plan for them. There is hope. I'm holding two armfuls of it in this photo and forever in my heart and in my soul.
