Love Your Guts

Today I conquered fear and trepidation and said the things you needed to hear.  I stopped making excuses and hiding behind things.  Today I tried to save your life.

 

I've sat in silence and worried and prayed about you for years, never having the courage to confront you about your demons.  My silence has only succeeded in creating a mountain of stress and concern over you, but still I refused to act.  Today I felt that I had nothing to lose. 

 

It really wasn't all that hard.  Maybe I had to build up my own faith, which made it easy to share with you.  Because the truth is, I don't believe you can do this on your own.  But I believe that if you let God into your life, you will be blessed with the ability to conquer anything.  I believe you need to humble yourself to the point that you know that God is your only true source of strength.  I believe you need to surrender your ego and your pride and let God rebuild you.

 

And so I finally told you all of this.  What you do with it is your choice.

When You Gonna Love You...?

"When you gonna make up your mind?
When you gonna love you as much as I do?"

~"Winter" by Tori Amos

 

 

I see you flailing around with no direction, just like a struggling swimmer in deep water, treading until you are gasping for breath.  I wonder when you will grow weary of this dance, this game in which you are integrally involved.  It sucks all the energy, strength, and life from you, but you continue to feed from it, hoping for satiation eventually. 

 

Instead, it is draining you, slowly but surely.  It is sucking away the essence of who you are, with little need to convince or persuade you.  You are a willing participant.  You are enjoying the ride....to an extent. 

 

But I know that when night comes, you lie there and wonder how on earth it got this far.  You wonder how much everyone has noticed the slippage, as you smugly reflect upon how skillfully you have pulled the wool over their eyes. 

 

Each day, a part of you briefly considers ending the madness, but each day you muster up the strength to give it a go one more time.  You miss things like peace, a clear conscience, and a sense of stability....but not enough to reunite with them.  And so you flail, spreading your arms in the snow, which at once is beautiful, but slowly freezing you and icing you over to where you are numb and can no longer feel the drop in temperature.  And I wait.