My church is doing a sermon series on family and parenting, and I've been asked to write a small group study guide on the topic of single parent/blended families. I thought I would share my thoughts (and expand upon them) via my blog (blog doesn't allow enough room to get into blended families - that's an entire dissertation!)
People become single parents through various
circumstances, but there are similarities in the journey regardless of the
starting point. Many circumstances can create a sense of despair and panic for
the single parent as they wonder how on earth they will be able to do this all
by themselves. The road seems long and the responsibility seems enormously
overwhelming. I can remember nights where I would leave my full-time job, pick up the kids (sometimes at two locations), come home, get the mail, let the dogs out, start on dinner, open up a pile of bills, all while the kids were needing things and asking me questions, and I just thought I would lose my mind. I can remember sitting upstairs in the hallway, sobbing, feeling so overwhelmed to think of the next 15 - 18 years ahead of me. I called friends and told them I just needed to talk or just needed them to come over. They would come, and it was all I needed to pull it together. I didn't need them to do anything around the house or run errands or keep the kids. I just needed their company.
- If you are a single parent, how are you enlisting and/or accepting help from others? If you aren't, why not? :)
- If you are not a single parent, how are you supporting the single parents you know? What do you think they might be praying for?
Single parents often feel as if they don't fit among their peers.
Single, childless friends can't quite relate to being a parent or might not
enjoy being around kids. Married friends might no longer relate to being on the
dating scene. I felt that I didn't really fit with any of my old friends anymore. I could see the looks on my married friends' faces when I'd mention going on a date....or the look on my single friends' faces when I'd say something about my children. I found that I had to make an intentional effort at surrounding myself with quality
people who would support and encourage me. I was flailing, starting over in so many areas of my life, and I needed anchors. God was one of them, and I learned to pray more and talk to him about what I was going through. "For I am the LORD your God who takes
hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you."
(Isaiah 41:13)
Single parents must redefine family and parenting. Cultural norms
and expectations can lead single parent families to feel incomplete, or like
outcasts or failures. But the Bible tells us: "Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I
am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a
way in the desert and streams in the wasteland." (Isaiah
43:18-19)
- In what ways is a single parent family a
blessing, rather than a burden? Or, what are some unanticipated benefits of
being a single parent family?
- How could we, as a church, be more intentional about being sensitive to the circumstances and needs of single parent families? How is their experience at church shaped by the reality of their home situation?
