Restore to a Previous Version

My laptop succumbed to a virus this week.  The only way to spare me from wiping the machine clean and reinstalling everything (and running the risk of losing whatever wasn’t successfully backed up on my external drive), was to “restore it to a previous version.”  I was explaining this to my mom: “they just tell the computer to go back to the way it was on X date, and it’s like the virus never happened.”

Wow.  Wouldn’t that be something if we could do that in our lives?  I started thinking about it, because initially it sounded appealing.  I thought about several blissful moments in time to which I’d like to return, prior to what I now know was lurking around the corner, about to wreak havoc on my life.  I thought of happier times with people I believed were good and whom I believed loved me, and how it might be nice to go back to feeling safe and loved by them before they showed another side of themselves, scarring my heart.  I thought about being able to go back to a time when someone was still alive, before they left this earth, and about what I would say or do differently, knowing what I know now.  I thought about going back to joyful moments, such as the births of my children, where I was basking in the glory of participating in a miracle. 

But I guess I can’t say I could ever choose a moment in time to which I’d want to restore my life to its previous version.  Is there a moment I’d like to rewind to, where someone I loved had his arms around me and I believed in our love and in the promise of tomorrow?  Maybe, but I’d miss seeing his true colors come out, so it would still be an inaccurate version of the truth.  Plus I would have missed every good laugh I’ve had since then, every good day, every smile, and every lesson I’ve learned. 

Would I like to go back before someone I loved passed away?  Well yes, I’d like to see several folks again, maybe express things better or differently….but rewinding to that moment would undo a lot of other great moments in my life I’d rather not sacrifice.  For instance, if I could go back to before my grandmother died, I’d have her, but I wouldn’t have my children. 

If I think of the most horrific thing I’ve ever experienced…of course I’d like to undo it.  But I see now how God turned that into a pivotal moment that pointed me towards a path that was suited perfectly for me.  I’m not sure I’d have taken that path if it weren’t for the pain I experienced beforehand. 

I realize this is a moot point, because we can’t restore ourselves to previous versions of our lives.  We are standing right here in this moment.  We are a result of everything we’ve experienced, every choice we’ve made, and every person we’ve encountered.  We’re right where we’re supposed to be, even if it is a moment of pain and uncertainty, of loneliness, confusion, bitterness, betrayal, poverty, or illness.  So rather than thinking of going back to a restore point, I need to think about my next upgrade and what that might look like.