Hugs

In church this weekend, our pastor mentioned the importance of hugs, and how his wife had suggested that they be more intentional about hugging even their teenage children.  I started thinking about hugs in my home.  My 8 yr old son is very affectionate with me, and quite often initiates hugging with me, which I gladly receive and return.  My 11 yr old daughter is not that way, and I’ve observed it and made it a point to not be so “touchy feely” with her, as this just doesn’t seem to be her thing.

Recently though, she asked me, “Mommy why do you hug Noah all the time and not me?”  Wow.  I felt like a heel.  I explained to her what I explained to you above, and how I thought she didn’t want hugs.  She let me know in a kind way that my assessment was wrong.  Since then, I’ve been more intentional about hugging her, even if she doesn’t seem to be interested in a hug.  I’ve noticed, in turn, that she has become a little more affectionate toward me.

Here I was trying not to “baby” her or smother her out of respect and boundaries, but I ended up neglecting her.  It makes sense though.  We’re not all comfortable asking for what we want, especially if we’re afraid it will make another person uncomfortable, or afraid it will make us look needy.

I’ve worked in the same place for almost 8 years, so we are a pretty close-knit group.  There are times when I walk into certain coworkers’ offices and simply say “Can I have a hug?” and the other person will gladly oblige.  There are also times that others do the same to me, or simply walk in with their arms outstretched, making their way around my desk, and I know what they need and what they are there for. J

When I date a man, I pay attention to whether he hugs his children (if he has any) AND whether he hugs his mother.  I was once dating someone who hadn’t seen his mother in several months.  We traveled to her home, which is several hundred miles away, and I was so stunned that they did not hug upon our arrival, that I could barely focus on meeting her!  Perhaps they hugged “behind closed doors” while we were there, but even when we left, I hugged her and expressed how nice it was to meet her (she was a sweet peach), and he said goodbye and walked away!!  This was a man who was perhaps OVERLY affectionate with me.  I was stunned, and to be honest, I was concerned and a bit turned off.

I read on Wikipedia (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hug) that hugs have been proven to have health benefits, such as increasing oxytocin and lowering blood pressure.  I also read there that some U.S. schools have banned hugs…

So what’s my point?  HUG!  It’s like taking a smile a step further.  You don’t know how long it’s been since someone has been hugged, or how badly they might need that human connection.  Why do you think people hold and pet their pets?  They enjoy that sense of interconnectedness with other living things.  In social media, when a person expresses sadness, people will post "Hugs!!" as a way of letting someone know that, if they were there, they would hug them.  It costs nothing, and to someone, it might mean everything.