falling off the list

I sat down to start writing my Christmas cards tonight.  It's always an interesting moment - flipping through my address book and realizing how much can change in the span of a year.  Some names cause me to flinch, reliving the pain of a person's death since this time last year.  Some names need to be added because of new friendships, new love, or births.  But I'm particularly struck by the names of several folks who got crossed off my list because of relationships that ended.  Before I got to the "L"s I had crossed off three people's names, leaving the names of their ex (or soon to be ex) spouses and in some cases, their children.

I'm thinking about the choices we each make in our daily lives and how they impact others.  Thinking about the hurt and pain that several of my friends are experiencing as they pass through their first Christmas season without their significant other at their side.  I know how painful and empty it can feel to open that box of ornaments, seeing trinkets from places you visited together or reminders of the dreams you shared and the life you were building.  You go through your holiday rituals, unsure how to navigate, trying to create new traditions and better memories. 

I feel very lucky this Christmas because so much in my life is going well and contributing to my personal happiness.  But I haven't forgotten more painful Christmases.  It has always been a time of year that draws me to family, friends, and other loved ones, and has always sparked off nostalgia that makes me quite emotional.

I'm going to remember as I bask in the warmth and glow of happy times that others aren't so happy this year and that I've been that unhappy person more than once at Christmas.  I'm so grateful for my blessings and my luck, and my heart goes out to those who are hurting because of the absence of a special loved one - either because of death or because of the end of a significant relationship.