The One That Got Away

Some girlfriends of mine were talking recently about the “what if” guy (aka “the one that got away”).  I had one of those once.  I’m not sure I can convey just how much I thought about what it might have been like if we had ever “had our chance.”  Mentally, it was my go-to place when I was in a struggling relationship as I imagined what it was I really wanted for myself deep down.  The time was never right for one or the other of us.  I was interested and he wasn’t, or he was available and I wasn’t. 

Well there came a certain moment in time where the window was open.  No obstacles, no excuses.  And do you know what happened?  Nothing.  It went nowhere.  If I were to list the great romances of my life, he wouldn’t be mentioned.  The amazing thing was my level of shock at the absence of substance that was there.  I had dreamt about this guy for quite some time, had pictured us together, and had even measured other men against my image of him and what kind of partner he would be.  Yet it turned out he was the farthest thing from north on my compass.

I wonder how many of our unfulfilled dreams are like that?  Do we just romanticize and idealize to the point of being irrational?  Do we need a target around which to organize and anchor our fantasies, even if it is completely irrational and unsubstantiated?

There is no re-do button.  There is no possible way to return to a previous time.  The moment is gone.  We are who we are now, which is not the same as we were then.  Our reality has shifted.  Whatever choice you make at each juncture determines your path and the next intersection you’ll reach.   In my case, the one that got away was nothing to pine after, regret, or second guess.  Once I had my chance, I could see that he got away for a reason, and that he never belonged in my future.