to accept the things I cannot change...

We've all heard The Serenity Prayer.  I've never seen the "extended" version, but here it is:

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.
Amen.

--Reinhold Niebuhr

Last night I heard someone in my single moms' group at church say that she was doing better because she had just accepted what her life would and would not be.  Simple, right?  Hardly.  She made it sound so simple.  Like "I know cigarettes are bad for me so I quit smoking."  But I know it's more conceptually simple than practically simple.  In other words, the implementation is the tricky part.

I immediately recalled the many times my Mom has advised me to accept certain things because they are not going to change.  Things that wreak havoc on my life, that tie me up in knots and upset me, that create stress, resentment, and other burdens.  I always hated that advice, because it seems unattainable.  How do I accept something that hurts, that doesn't make sense, that I can't understand?  I'm an analytical creature who has never been content to just know the answer, but instead needs to know how and why the answer is the answer.

In thinking through this, I realize how much time, energy, and emotion I have given to things that are beyond my control.  When considering the actions of others - I cannot control them.  And quite often I can't even understand them.  Because I'm not that person.  I don't think with their mind and their heart.  I don't employ the same logic or morals when making decisions.  So I'm judging them against my standards.

I want to learn to accept the things I cannot change.  Going back to The Serenity Prayer, the word "surrender" jumps out at me.  Giving over control to God is a difficult thing.  Plus, it's so intangible, because it's not as simple as literally letting God drive your car while you sit in the passenger seat.  The word "reasonable" jumps out as well.  Reasonably happy.  Adjusting our expectations and perhaps what we think we deserve in this life.  Realizing there will be disappointments, tragedies, confusion, obstacles, and injustice done to us and to those we love. 

People and circumstances are still going to disappointment me, as long as I have morals, standards, and expectations for humanity.  What I can hope to change is the way I react to these things.  To view things with more neutrality and less emotion perhaps, consenting to coexist with incomprehensible people with no desire to change them or adapt to them, but just to roam this earth in their presence while they do their thing and I do mine.  By the same token, I don't aim to resign myself and tolerate injustice, for instance. I'm not suggesting that we turn our heads or become silent.  I'm suggesting that I stop inviting turmoil into my head and heart by relentlessly trying to understand things that I cannot ever hope to understand.

On a personal level, when I am trying to think through things that others have done to me, I long to reach a level of evolvement where I can simply conclude that they made choices, I'm free to make mine in response, and it can't be undone or erased.  It can only be permitted to float down the stream of life along with every good and wonderful gift I receive.

As the current saying goes, "it is what it is."  Or as one of my favorite bands, Rush, sang in the 90s, 'Why are we here?  Because we're here.  Roll the bones.  Why does it happen?  Because it happens.  Roll the bones."