I've been posting on Facebook all month various things for which I am thankful. When it comes to my parents, I think the FB character limit is insufficient, so they're just gonna get their own blog.
First of all, I'm blessed to have parents who wanted me and who took parenting seriously. They made it their mission NOT to make things easy for me, but to teach about the satisfaction that comes with working hard for something and finally attaining it. They said "no" a lot, which made the "yes" moments that much more meaningful. When I see all these entitlement-minded people around me, I can't help but wonder if they had parents who said yes to most everything and made them full of expectation and entitlement.
They were strict and old-fashioned. Sometimes I craved the "cool" parent who let their kid host a party or didn't care how late they were out, etc. But my parents' approach most certainly spared me from many situations that were loaded to the brim with nothing but trouble. They also taught me to respect authority and know my place. They weren't seeking to be my friends. No, that wasn't their role while they were rearing me. Now that I am an adult and a parent, NOW they are my friends.
They have sat with me (literally) through some of the most difficult hours of my life - cancelling wedding plans, 30 hours of labor with my first child, obtaining a protection order, going through a divorce, losing a good friend, or sitting at a bank sorting out the financial mess someone created for me, etc..
We joke that Dad is there for the practical help and Mom is there for the comforting and listening. I can remember calling them from grad school, frustrated to the point of tears about my ancient computer that wasn't even capable of doing footnotess, and there I was trying to write a thesis. After I bemoaned the point to my Dad, he flippantly said, "well, you can cry about it if you want to, but I don't think it's going to do footnotes when you're done either." My response: "Put MOM on the phone please!" because at that moment I needed what she is best at. :)
We joke that when Dad passes away, the yard is going to look like shit, and when Mom passes away, there will be nothing but envelopes of money under the Christmas tree. They each leave their mark on our family in their own ways.
As an adult, I look to them as my relationship compass. I don't strive to mimic their relationship, because I don't think it would work for me. But whenever I find myself in a moment of "am I over-exaggerating?" or "is this acceptable behavior?", I simply ask myself if Dad would ever do that to Mom. If the answer is no, I know it's not something I have to tolerate for myself. I know that SOMEONE out there is making it work and is happy - 43 years later.
They are the most amazing grandparents I ever could have imagined for my children. I wasn't near my grandparents growing up, so it is the greatest thrill to see them interacting together so frequently. I incorporate my parents into my kids' lives. They receive phone calls when grade cards come, when teeth fall out, when the first laugh came, etc. My dad who has often been called intimidating (just ask anyone who's dated me), melts like warm butter around those kids.
Perhaps the best thing about them is this: they don't tell me what to do. Ever. And they don't judge what I do. Ever. I mean not to my face anyways. They don't play the "I told you so" game. They just make sure they are there for me when I make one, even if there is nothing that can be done to make it better. They make it a rule not to interfere in my life. And while they may not be able to be on board with all my decisions, they make it clear to me that their love for me is unwavering. Always. And I'm well aware that not every human being has parents like this. I wish they did. I think the world would be a better place.
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