Unraveled

Unraveled

1. to separate or disentangle the threads of (a woven or knitted fabric, a rope, etc.).

2. to free from complication or difficulty; make plain or clear; solve: to unravel a situation; to unravel a mystery.

I feel a bit unraveled.  The threads that used to have their place in the big ball of yarn….some are fraying from being wound too tightly, pressed too roughly, or stretched beyond their means.  And some are just out of place, not where they were intended to be in order to hold the ball together. 

The weakest yarns consistently rely on the stronger yarns to the extent that, over time, even the strongest yarns will weaken and fray.  Even the goose that leads the flock must sometimes drop to the back of their arrow in the sky and ride on the tailwinds while someone else steps up to lead the pack. 

I occasionally grow tired of being responsible and reliable.  I wonder what might happen if I were to check out for a moment, a day, a week…I wonder if I would experience the same forgiveness and accommodations that others experience when they fail to put forth their best effort, sometimes on a fairly frequent basis.  Sometimes my efforts feel thankless, my energies wasted, my sacrifices unnoticed, only being recognized as a taskmaster or nagging force in the lives of others. 

Sometimes I feel part of a team, and sometimes I feel alone.  Sometimes I wonder why I care so much about things that others could care less about.  Sometimes I wonder if I’m just an afterthought, that it’s just assumed I’ll show up repeatedly with the same energy, generosity, and drive as yesterday.  Sometimes I feel that my efforts are all in vain.

Sometimes I feel separated, disentangled, forgotten, overlooked, taken for granted.  Sometimes I feel unraveled.