I don't believe in wearing heavily padded bras for the same reason I don't believe in lying or cheating. It's false advertising. If you are hiding behind some sort of mask, how good can you feel about the adoration and acceptance you get from others?
Lying is a mask people use to lead others to erroneously believe they are better people than they are. Somehow it is easier to deceive someone than to let them see the real you and maybe just choose to love you anyways, or maybe even offer some advice you're not in the mood to hear.
Drugs can be a mask that people hide behind because they think their chemically enhanced self is better than the person they are otherwise.
Religion can even be a mask as people quote all kinds of scripture and denounce others' behaviors, all in an effort to hide the spotlight from their own sins, struggles, and questioning.
Anger....sometimes it is easier to be a tornado and silence others through intimidation than to hear the difficult things they have to say and come to terms with the truth of it.
Relationships can be masks too. Pretending to be a wonderful partner is so much crummier than admitting problems and hurdles and working through them together.
At the end of the day, the love you so desperately want to hold on to has to be born of honesty and openness. How good can you feel about someone looking up to you or liking you or even loving you, if you know it isn't based on a true representation of self? If someone loves who you are pretending to be, they don't really love you, do they? Sooner or later that house of cards will tumble to the ground and at that point you won't stand a chance of regaining trust. You will have betrayed someone, made a fool of them, essentially tricked them into loving you. There have been so many times I've discovered a "mask" and waited for that person to reveal it to me in their own time. Some have, and I've felt relief and a real chance at deepening the relationship. Others have chosen to continue hiding and in every case......EVERY case....it triggers the beginning of the end of trust.
We only know what others reveal of themselves...however, God loves us all despite our sins and shortcomings. I can't hide anything from God or fool him into believing I'm more pure or holy than I am. So what human being holds enough power that I'm willing to hide behind a mask or misrepresent myself in order to gain their approval and love, even if earned duplicitously?
One of the most difficult bits of knowledge I have ever had to swallow was realizing that I had fallen in love with someone who couldn't, wouldn't, be real with me. There I was, giving my all, sacrificing so much of myself, and he was hiding behind a persona, afraid that I could never love who he truly was. Sometimes it's best to cut your losses and walk away. A person achieves self love in their own time. You cannot force that process on anyone.
ReplyDeleteI wish a certain "ex" in my life could read this!
ReplyDelete