Like most humans, there have been countless times in my life when things have - to say the least - not gone my way. I've been in thankless jobs and thankless relationships. I've had money that was owed to me withheld. I've busted my ass and not seen the fruits of my labor. I've invested time and emotional energy into friendships and romances where the other party has burned me in one way or another. I've experienced life-changing tragedy.
Feeling depressed, frustrated, hopeless, and even worthless are common reactions to these types of life experiences. But sometimes I've gone beyond those states of mind and entered the realm of bitterness. True bitterness - like "mad at the world", "don't look at me funny or I'll knock you out" bitterness...periods of time when I was convinced the world was against me, that I was a helpless victim of misfortune, and that no matter how hard I tried or how many times I did the right thing, things just kept going wrong.
Being bitter takes a lot of energy and effort. I am constantly blowing everyone's "sunshine up your ass" advice and theories into oblivion. I come up with a worst case explanation rather than being positive or giving someone the benefit of the doubt. I assume the worst of everyone. It's like planning an elaborate event: dotting every "I" and crossing every "T" just to make sure that the guest of honor at the pity party is portrayed as the ultimate victim and martyr.
In my experience, bitter is a shield put on to protect myself from further pain and suffering, but it only succeeds to disable me further and alienate me from the positive forces around me. When I subscribe to bitterness, I essentially grant power to all the people, actions, words, and circumstances around me, rendering myself powerless, as if I am just a paralyzed pawn in the big game of life. I rob myself of intent and purpose. I excuse myself from playing an active role in my life, shrugging my shoulders and rolling my eyes as I float along on the sea of misfortune.
For awhile, bitterness can bring extra attention and coddling from those who love me. I like the way that feels. But eventually, even the best support network grows weary of participating in dead-end conversations that always circle back to my stubborn assertions that revolve around the idea that things are hopeless and it's "just not fair" and so forth. When I refuse to be cheered up and shun the choice to be positive, I suck energy out of those that are trying desperately to be supportive of me. As people drift apart, it becomes a self-fulfilling prophesy where I can point to their abandonment of me as just another example of the cruelty of the human spirit, the worthlessness of people, and the instability of relationships.
There is a lot of truth to the saying "you catch more flies with honey than vinegar." Am I suggesting that we all be Mary Sunshine all the time and never get down and succumb to negativity? Of course not. We are human. I'm just suggesting that the longer we hang out in the Land of Bitter, the more likely we are to be a party of one.
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