Tragedy has a funny way of setting into motion so many blessings.
Last week, my uncle died quite unexpectedly. Every detail I learned about his death and the circumstances surrounding it were filled with jaw dropping, eyebrow-furrowing reactions. My family here in Ohio knew there was cause for concern, but I was the first one to formally hear that he had passed away. I, in turn, had to tell my Dad that his brother was dead. My response to that dread and anxiety was purely hysterical, which led my 9 year old daughter to behave hysterically as well. This forced me to compose myself enough to make the call. The challenge of piecing together childcare for my 2 kids (so that I could drive 500 miles to be with the family and attend the funeral) forced me to be organized and present-minded.
My boyfriend announced he would either be coming with me or staying behind to care for my children, and that nothing I said could sway him. I couldn't believe he was willing to do that, having only met my extended family once, a few short weeks ago, and having recently started a new job that may or may not approve of his absence. While I felt immense guilt about that, I was also moved beyond words to know that he was willing to sacrifice huge things just to provide solace for me. He was also willing to put himself in the midst of an intimate situation as an "outsider" just so I wouldn't have to face it alone.
After we arrived in Virginia, I saw for myself just how lost my aunt seemed without her lifelong companion. And yet, her 2 grown boys - my beloved cousins - were pillars of strength at her side. They constantly comforted her, allowed her to experience the gamut of emotions, and validated every decision she made in the hours and days to come. I was blown away at the amazing men my childhood playmates have become, and feeling as proud as ever to belong to this family.
I stood in amazement at the PILES of food, desserts, paper products, drinks, etc. that people were bringing to the house. I'm inclined to say you haven't seen hospitality unless you've seen Southern hospitality... It was simply mind boggling. Phone calls were trickling from people who had stories to share about how my uncle had influenced their lives or left an impression on them. We just didn't know how far he'd cast his net. :) The volume of people who stood in line for 45 - 60 minutes just to give their condolences to the family was amazing and humbling. Seeing so many uniformed officers (he worked for the sheriff's office) in attendance at the funeral, and leading the long processional to the burial site was so very powerful.
Sitting at the funeral, as my cousin rose to say a few words about his father, I began to feel the pew shaking. I realized it was my stoic father, his body giving away the fact that his soul was racked with grief. As upsetting as it is for a girl to see her Daddy falling to pieces, it was a beautiful reminder of the love he felt for his brother.
Tragedy brings pain, sadness, anger, confusion, loneliness, and emptiness. But even amidst tragedy, if we only open our eyes, we see so much love and beauty around us: the support of caring friends, the strength and love of family, the sacrifices people are willing to make in order to extend a measure of comfort, and the way that people can become united when they need to pull together for someone they held in the highest esteem.
Thanks Uncle "Sport". Even in your death, you continue to teach us about being better people. You "preached it all along the way", as your son so eloquently shared as he stood behind your casket. Rest peacefully.
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