Looking back on a string of relationships that ended with hurt and heartache, I've always been cognizant of the fact that I am the common denominator in those relationships. And while I'm not willing to take responsibility or blame for others who chose to cheat, lie, verbally abuse, steal, etc., it occurs to me that I do have something for which I'm responsible. I have consistently chosen men who a) were not truly invested in a relationship with God, and b) were not interested in or committed to self-improvement.
No matter how nice, giving, loving, attentive, or thoughtful they were (at least for a while), their true self rose to the surface, acted out, and a more self-centered persona was eventually exposed. What I tend to hear in my relationships goes something like this "You make me want to be a better man." Now, I believe that is a good quality in relationships: being with someone who inspires you and challenges you. It's fantastic. But that cannot only come from your partner. It also has to come from within you, and some of that will likely be rooted in your relationship with God and your journey to be the best person you can be.
Furthermore, both partners have to feel inspired, not just one. Yes, I've tried to adapt my words and behaviors so as to not spark someone's abusive anger (and that's another blog...), but no, I've never been in a relationship where the other person inspired and challenged me to be a better person. I'm the one who is consistently consuming knowledge, exploring resources, and reflecting on my life with a focus on continually improving.
I have dated a man I met at church, and I've dated a man who invited me to church. I've dated men who "used to" attend church and then started again when they began to date me. I've dated men who never prayed at the table and men who've insisted on praying before eating. Bottom line: attending church and praying does not make one a God-fearing, God-loving person. There is a huge difference in believing in God and craving to grow closer to Him while trying to walk in His ways on a daily basis. I am SO far from proficient at this, make no mistake. But it is consistently in my thoughts and efforts.
If I ever decide to take another chance on love, it's clear to me that I need to be sure I'm investing in someone who possesses these two qualies. And honestly, in my opinion, anyone who is invested in a relationship with God will naturally care about becoming a better person and will inspire those around them.
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