thoughts on love

I'm no expert on love.  I've been engaged three times, married once, and divorced once.  So my thoughts are a work in progress and I hope you can regard them as such.

 

But I'm reminded again and again how vitally important it is to get your proverbial "shit" together prior to entering a romantic relationship.  I have been the girl who was so hungry for love, she ignored red flags, warning signs, and gut instincts.  I can only speak for myself, but when I embark upon a relationship wanting desperately to be loved, I become a slave to it.  I hang on every word, every hint of affection and affirmation sends me soaring, while every absence of the same sends me reeling.  I become someone who will do anything to earn recognition and praise.  It's ridiculous, and frankly, embarrassing and unattractive.

 

How much better it is when I have come to terms with my solitude, have come to know myself (as I am ever evolving), and have found peace with life in the absence of romance.  It is only at that time that I can actually represent myself genuinely in a relationship, and give for the sake of giving rather than pre-calculating what I might get in return. 

 

As I live and learn about love, I realize that it is a safe place where I can be myself (though not without being challenged in a healthy way), give from the heart, and truly care about another person's well-being in addition to my own.  This is hard!  I've been badly burned before and taken advantage of in life-altering ways.  I suspect there will always be a part of me that has my guard up and is constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop.  The real work happens when I push through that and CHOOSE to give myself and my love with the realization that it may or may not be returned.  It is a chance to practice imperfect human love while resting in the unconditional love of God as the ultimate example of how love is supposed to be. 

 

And if you really get it right, God becomes the center of your romantic relationship and you learn to lean on him for support and praise him for blessings as you struggle through life and love, learning as you go.