Lost & Found

Some things can be lost and then found.  Once they’ve been reclaimed, all you’ve essentially lost is that time of separation.  A favorite piece of jewelry, a ten dollar bill in last year’s coat pocket… 

Other things are lost and replaced by something else…some surrogate that fills the void, elicits the same feelings, or distracts you from what you’ve lost - like filling the void of a broken heart with a rebound relationship, an addiction, or a jam-packed social calendar.  Bandages can stop the bleeding and cover up the wound, but with enough activity or wear and tear, they will eventually peel off and reveal the wound again.  Surrogates can be exciting and satisfying until that moment comes when you look squarely at that replacement and realize it’s not the same as what you lost.  Not even close.

Some things can be found or rediscovered.  But the value of that thing might have changed.  The lost dog returns home, but it is now skittish.  The couple reunites, but their love will never be what it once was.  Time has passed.  Circumstances have changed.  Life has happened.  Damage cannot be undone, only forgiven and reconciled. 

Other things are lost forever - innocence, for instance.  Trust. 

Some make choices that they know will surely lead to the loss of something valuable.  Then once they’ve lost it, they recognize its worth and vow to do whatever it takes to get it back.  This is a phenomenon I will never understand.  I find it insulting and infuriating.  If you would hate to lose a possession in your car, don’t carelessly leave it unlocked and then complain when someone opens it and steals your belongings.  If you would hate to lose your husband, don’t cheat on him and then mourn his absence once he leaves you. 

I'm starting to believe I cannot ever reclaim what you took from me.  I can only heal and learn from it, and inform my future with the knowledge and experience of my past.  You will always be the reason I have changed.  How I hate giving you that power, but I know by now it is true.  That's okay.  I’m stronger.  I’m wiser.  I’ll never be the “me” that I was then.  You took things that can never be returned nor replaced, only rebuilt with a new look and a new feel...  I'd like to believe that the strength and wisdom I gained from your intersection in my life will make it impossible for me to ever give myself completely....to the wrong man. 

"The way to love anything is to realize that it may be lost."

~Gilbert K. Charleston