When I slow down and become aware of the thoughts that pass through my mind, I am keenly aware of the constant push and pull of darkness and light. Even as a positive, encouraging, or hopeful thought formulates - a negative, discouraging thought counters it. When I am still and paying attention - typically as I'm trying to find sleep - it is alarming to witness the battle.
Darkness doesn't give up. It is persistent, unceasing. It is manipulative. It knows my weak spots. It knows which buttons can be pushed. It knows where my bruises are. I can no sooner release an uplifting thought - much like a balloon - before I quickly release a thorn of darkness to pop it.
And despite becoming aware of it, it doesn't subside. I marvel as I go through it over and over. It literally feels as if my soul is wrestling. But I refuse to give in. I refuse to be pummeled. I want to be love and light. The smallest glimpse of light breaks darkness. Light can be faint or bright. Darkness is absolute, yet it is merely the absence of light.
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