Recently, I took a road trip. By all appearances, it was just a get away, a chance to visit family without hauling the kids along. And indeed I did get to spend quality time with several members of my family whom I love and adore and live way too far away from. But there was more to it than that. Looking back, I guess it was no accident that a certain date "randomly" popped into my head so many months ago. I identified that date as a time to take inventory of my life and reevaluate certain things. For 500 miles I thought and talked out loud and to God. I sang songs ranging the gamut of emotion. I took in the scenery. I talked on the phone. And for 500 miles on the way back home, I listened.
God has never spoken to me in clear words or phrases. But if I silence myself and open my mind and my heart, I can feel His nudgings, suggestions, and warnings. I could hear him on my way back home. Still, I wasn't prepared to immediately act on what I heard. But I set some things in motion almost as a test - to see what the response would be. And the silence was deafening.
Some decisions in life are extremely difficult. Doing the right thing does not often equate with doing the easy thing. Personally, I take a lot of time to make big decisions. I marinate on it, roll my thoughts around in my head and ping pong them back and forth, making sure that another angle doesn't appear that I haven't previously considered. But all the evidence I observed in the days and weeks that followed only amplified what I had heard on that road trip when I decided to just....listen.
Personal decision making can be clouded by many things. I have experienced this time and again in my life. Maybe it has to do with turning 40 this year. Maybe I'm seeing life through the lens of age and choosing to trim the proverbial fat from my life. Maybe it's that my faith has strengthened and grown in my spiritual walk. Maybe it's the overwhelming evidence that can no longer be ignored. Whatever it is, I'm blessed in that my difficult decision was made crystal clear to me through all these avenues. Perhaps that's made it easier to follow through and make peace with it. Perhaps it's the repeated and frequent reminders and evidence that my choice was the best choice.
I find myself starting a new chapter, turning the page. It's scary in so many ways, but exhilarating in other ways. It doesn't take much effort to see how very many quality people love me and care about me and will support me no matter what. And most of all, I can feel God's love wrapped around me, comforting me, supporting me, challenging me, and spurring me on to better, brighter days ahead. My eyes are wide open. My heart is certain. My head is clear.
No comments:
Post a Comment