I'm not sure how I can possibly explain the road from there to here. In the midst of devastation and betrayal, it is impossible to cheer yourself with thoughts that "this was meant to be" and "there is a reason for everything". No, there's no shortcut to healing.
I had to feel it all to the depths - shock, betrayal, humiliation, vulnerability. The sheer astonishment of someone's ability to do what you did......it knocked the air out of me. But I had to be knocked that hard so that I would be down for awhile and not try to foolishly pop right back up, wanting to get right back in the ring. I'd have been apt to over-estimate my strength and never see the knockout coming.
No, instead I created a safe little haven for myself and I nested there for quite a very long time. I was able to restore my strength and courage, and able to start at the beginning again and rebuild my foundation. Slowly. And it's stronger than ever because God is at the center of it, and not just in a superficial Sunday sort of way.
Like seeing a tornado touch down, I can so easily and clearly see God's hand reaching down to intervene into my life. He gave me the opportunity to follow my heart and the courage to reclaim a lost love that would have haunted me the rest of my life had I not searched it out. And despite the mountains of doubt I have had, I am seeing with my own eyes that people truly can learn from their mistakes and become better versions of themselves.
No, there is no shortcut to healing. But the long and difficult road is worthwhile, because when a wound heals, the skin is stronger than it was before. Of course I still remember the devastation from two years ago. But I can sincerely say that I am grateful for it. I would never have arrived in this moment, had I not traveled that path. And I'm right where I want to be.
"I had no direction, I was dying
I was flying over the sea with broken wings
Oh my love, you came into my life
And healed my wounds"
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